You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
