he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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