I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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