I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
