we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
