someone owes me an orgasm
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
