Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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