You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
