hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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