and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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