I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
