LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
