Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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