was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
