i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
