DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
