Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
