I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
