Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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