I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
