Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
