she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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