WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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