Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
