Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
