3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
