If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
