So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
