I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
