Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
