having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize