i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
