Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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