I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
