i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
