how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
