It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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