He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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