sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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