Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
