Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
