There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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