Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
