bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
