also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
