I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
