one two three fourrrrnication!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
