Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
