So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
