Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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