Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
