Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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