You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
