I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
