I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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