at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
