I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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