I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
