Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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