There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
