good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
