Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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