YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
