I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
