I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
