after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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