i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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