I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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