This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
