Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
