Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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