we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
