Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
