They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
