Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize